It's time I came clean

As you've noticed, my blogging output has slowed considerably since the beginning of last week.  I said at the time it was due to work.  And that's true.  But it's not the whole story.

Some of you probably were beginning to put the pieces together based on recent news events and how they matched up perfectly with my blogging absence.  You were right to assume this was no mere coincidence.

For the rest of you still scratching your head over the cryptic clues, I'll just come clean:  When I'm not blogging, I'm the United States ambassador to Egypt. 

I know, shocking to some but for others it makes perfect sense.  So while you're not getting your daily fill of Photoshopped movie posters and semi-naked co-eds, I trust you understand the obvious work distractions.  Plus, my Internet access has also been severely curtailed. 

Thus, please bear with me while I solve things on the diplomatic front so that I can get back to my true calling: running a marginally successful college football blog during the offseason when most folks don't really give a rat's ass about college football blogs.

Thanks for your patience.

"Yost"

Diplomacy: I hate Florida, but it doesn't mean I won't post this picture. 
Because it's the right thing to do.

Offseason

I got a note last night from Yost telling me that he is out today with "real work". He encouraged me to post something if I had it. I searched and searched, and other than semi-naked women and random Ohio criminal behavior -- I could not find anything decent to post about.

Talk amongst yourselves while we figure out what will entertain.

-------------------------------------

Edit: Well that didn't take long... the MZone had not returned when this story was written in August -- but it is timeless in the message.

Behold the story of dueling protests outside of Columbus between a strip club and a fundamentalist church:

The strippers, fueled by Cheetos and nicotine, are protesting a fundamental Christian church whose Bible-brandishing congregants have picketed the club where they work....

.....It's here where dancers strip down to panties and pasties for cash. Meske -- a tattooed mother of four -- said she made $30 instead of a couple hundred dollars last Friday with the protesters outside.

"I'm not the most beautiful woman in the world," she said. "I go out there and I try to make my money."

The only thing I have to say is: Thank God for Fox News Ohio.

Dunk Fan Friday

Rather than Drunk Fan Friday, allow us to present DUNK Fan Friday.

Know Your Mascot - The Wolverine

Today's guest post comes from Friend of the MZone, Mikoyan, proprietor of the photography-theme blog, Michigan Exposures.

The Michigan mascot is the wolverine.  The wolverine's scientific name is gulo gulo which is Latin for glutton.    They are also sometimes called glutton, carcajou, skunk bear, quickhatch or gulon.  It is the largest animal of the mustelid family (weasels).

It is a stocky and muscular animal more closely resembling a bear than it's mustelid cousins.  In one Native American legend, it created the Earth.

Wolverines don't really run, they have a more loping gape.  While that may not look very efficient, it is well suited to the snowy climates they generally inhabit.  They are actually pretty fast for an animal of their size.

They have a pretty fierce reputation.  And they are built to live up to that reputation.  Their jaws are strong enough to chew through bones.  Their claws are pretty large for an animal of their size.  They have been known to either defend their prey from predators much larger from them or steal prey from larger predators.  In the book, "The Wolverine Way", the other mentions a story of a wolverine chasing a bear away from a kill and to paraphrase the author, that's pretty bad ass.  They are also known to take down prey much larger than them.

Male wolverines typically mate with 2 or 3 female wolverines and according to the book, "The Wolverine Way", they will play an active part in raising the young up until about 10 weeks old.  Sometimes, the young will reconnect with their fathers later.   Wolverine offspring are called kits and will reach adult size within a year.  A wolverine lifespan is typically 5 to 13 years.  They have pretty thick oily fur which is resistant to frost and this makes it popular.

Wolverines have a pretty well developed sense of smell and can smell carcasses under avalanches.  The wolverine will eat just about anything.

Michigan is known as the "Wolverine State" even though a wolverine hasn't lived in the state for close to 200 years up until one appeared in the Thumb.  A group of soldiers that fought with Custer was known as the "Wolverines".  The origin of the name for the state and later the team is unknown.  There are several theories for this.  One stems from the amount of fur trading that occurred in the state, some of which was wolverine pelts.  Another states that the name was given during the Michigan-Ohio War.  It is either the folks from Michigan bragging about thier fierce fighting or the Ohioans calling them gluttons.  We are not sure.

Live wolverines had a short lived appearance at games.  Fielding Yost wanted one after he saw Wisconsin carrying around a badger.  He was able to get a stuffed one in 1924.  In 1927, ten wolverines were obtained from Alaska and placed in the Detroit Zoo.  Two of these wolverines were brought to the games. Unfortunately, these wolverines grew larger and in the words of Yost, "It was obvious that the Michigan mascots had designs on the Michigan men toting them, and those designs were by no means friendly."  So the practice was stopped after one year.  One wolverine was kept at the University of Michigan Zoo for a while.

Like a breath of fresh air...

We don't talk about college basketball here very much, but when you don't win in East Lansing for over a decade, and finally win one, it is time to celebrate!

Sparty's response is an instant classic., my favorite is on page 2.

This is the internet equivalent of a UM fan walking into the Peanut Barral right now and trying to talk smack. I expect an appropriate reaction from my Spartan Brethern, but I'll offer this one:

Fuck off.

Go back to your double-wide, your 3-bill GF with fewer teeth than grades of education completed and fuck off.

Go rub one out to the picture of Bo that hangs on your wall and cry yourself to sleep in your flea-ridden blankets because you wish someday you could be truly affiliated with UM and fuck off.

Go get some sleep so you can make your shift at Walmart tomorrow morning and kindly, truly and sincerely fuck off. I harbor nothing but ill will towards that festering cesspool of human iniquity in that oozing blight upon Mother Earth known as Ann Arbor. I hate the arrogant pricks that go there and the trash bandwagon fans than hang on, grasping at success vicariously through an institution that they could never hope to be truly a part of.

In conclusion, fuck off.

UConn booster thinks he's owner not donor

As if college football didn't have enough problems with the likes of Cam Newton's dad wanting their kids to get paid, apparently some big time boosters believe their open wallets believe entitle them to act as defacto ADs in the hiring and firing of coaches.

Case in point: A major UConn benefactor wants the $3 million he donated to the school returned and his family's name removed from the school's football complex because - wait for it - they shut him out of the discussions regarding the selection of the new football coach.

See that football you're holding?  Should've bought
one of those teams if you wanted a say about coaches

No, seriously.

According to the USA TODAY article linked above, "Robert Steinbrenner Burton, chief executive officer of Greenwich, Conn.-based Burton Capital Management, said in a Jan. 19 letter to UConn athletic director Jeff Hathaway that his opinions were ignored and he did not support the way Paul Pasqualoni was selected as coach."

Boo-fucking-hoo.

Burton called the situation "a slap in the face and embarrassment to my family," and said he planned "to let the correct people know that you did not listen to your number one football donor." He called the search process flawed.

Actually, the embarrassment is Mr. Burton's behavior.  Get over yourself, jackhole.  As reader "Small Axe" said in the comment section of USA TODAY, "It's not an investment. He's not buying shares of stock. He's not a partial owner of a franchise. It's a donation to a state school. How egotistical, arrogant, entitled, and disgusting."

In a statement, the school said "In the end, the decision was appropriately made by the university in the best interests of UConn and our football program,"

Exactly.  Although it apparently came as a shock to Mr. Burton that the decision wasn't made in his best interests.  Because there's more in the USA TODAY article:

Burton, a printing industry executive, and his family have given more than $7 million in donations for scholarships and other programs, including $2.5 million in 2002 to kick off construction of the football complex.

That's over, according to Burton's letter. And, he blames the athletic director, saying he is "fed up" with Hathaway and would have fired him long ago, if he'd had the authority.

Burton says his family and friends will no longer donate for scholarships and coaching clinics, will pull their advertising from the football program and will transfer current scholarships away from football and into the business school.

It couldn't immediately be determined Tuesday how many football players that would affect and whether other scholarship money would be available.

Burton said his company will also start sending its managers to Syracuse University's business school for training instead of UConn, and will no longer pay for its $50,000-per-year luxury suite at Rentschler Field.

"You already have many other empty boxes at Rentschler. My box will just join the list," Burton wrote.

Sounds like a heck of a guy.

Naturally, Mr. I Have Money So That Means I'm More Important Than Everybody Else is suing UConn to get his ownership stake "donation" returned and the family name off the building.

I hope UConn does take his name off the building, but keeps the money.

(HT: USA Today commenter Lakin for title idea)

MGoBlog back online, MZone plot fails

BREAKING NEWS:

(from AP wire services) Ann Arbor, MI - The MZone's attempt to overthrow MGoBlog as the leader and best Michigan site failed when proprietor Brian Cook was able to thwart the much smaller blog's nefarious plan.

After the hiring of new football coach Brady Hoke, the MZone's Elite Cyber Warfare Team was quickly able to figure out that Cook's master password for the MGoBlog empire had been changed to DaveBrandonSucksBigGiantMonkeyBalls.

As a result, the MZECWT was able to take over Cook's site with the same ruthless efficiency in which it recently sabotaged Iran's nuclear reactors, a brilliant cyber attack that much of the world wrongly credited to the Israeli's. 

In the shocking clip below just obtained from BloggiLeaks, Cook learns for the first time of Yost's audacious attempted coup d'blog.