(from MZone staff and wire reports) Ann Arbor, MI - Les Miles will not be the next Michigan football coach and instead will remain at LSU. Miles becomes the second former-Wolverine-player-turned-successful-college-coach to spurn his alma mater after Jim Harbaugh picked the NFL and the 49ers over A2 last week.
The loss of Miles sent a shudder down the collective spine of Michigan fans everywhere and doctors are reporting the first outbreaks of MCP, otherwise known as Michigan Coaching Panic. Right now the Center for Disease Control (CDC) said it only has nine confirmed cases but that number is expected to grow exponentially the longer Michigan goes without a head coach.
The MZone has independently confirmed the first case in suburban Detroit. Doctors in Farmington Hills are treating a man who apparently was in a marketing staff meeting at an advertising firm but was secretly checking MGoBlog on his Blackberry. When Brian broke the news that Miles wasn't coming, sources at the meeting claim the main suddenly stood up, screamed "Oh fuck!" become breaking into a sweat and storming out of the room.
The CDC is urging anyone with family or friends who are Michigan football fans to check on them immediately and make sure they are okay, especially if they live alone. The first step is just to reach out and talk to them, and tell them that it's going to be alright.
The CDC also put up a list of "warning signs" so individuals can better spot if their Wolverines are suffering from MCP:
* Chest pain
* Uncontrollable crying
* Mumbling "Motherfucker!, "What the fuck?!" or any other use of the f-bomb to oneself over and over.
* Spending every waking hour on various Michigan sites, message boards and news outlets hoping to get the latest tidbit of information while repeatedly clicking "refresh" on said sites like a lab rat pressing the crystal meth lever in a science experiment.
Please stay tuned to the MZone as this crisis continues to unfold.
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE:
No joke - it's Hoke!
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